- Maude Findlay: [Answering the phone] Hello? No, this is not Mr. Findlay. This is Mrs. Findlay. Mr. Findlay has a mustache.
- Maude: Francie, this is Florida. My dear, dear friend, probably the best friend I have in the whole world.
Florida Evans: I'm the maid.
- Maude: How can I have a party for a black guest of honor and not have one single black guest?
Carol Findlay: Maybe you should've invited two black couples, Maude.
Walter Findlay: That's right, Maude, you should always have a back-up black.
Maude: [Skyward] Please, if you really do exist, get him soon.
- During Florida's interview for the maid job
Florida: Now, the first week'll be on a trial basis.
Maude: Oh, Florida, don't be ridiculous, you're not on trial.
Florida: I know - you are.
- Dr. Arthur Harmon: No offense, Maudie, but I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.
Maude: No offense, Arthur, but that's the only way you'd EVER touch me.
- Arthur: [Looking at Maude's black eye] If the "Our Gang" comedies ever come back, you could be the dog.
Maude: And if Mister Ed ever comes back, there'd be a part for you. I'm not talking about the part that talks.
- Walter: Maude, did you wreck the car again?
Maude: Did you hear that, everybody? DID YOU HEAR THAT? Not "Maude, are you sick?" Or "Maude, are you unhappy?" Or even, "Maude, are you pregnant?" No, "Maude, did you wreck the car again?"
Walter: You're right, darling. You're absolutely right. I'm sorry. So tell me, are you sick?
Walter: Are you unhappy?
Walter: Are you pregnant?
- Maude: [to Carol] To think I bought you your first training bra. Look how you've broken training.
Bea Arthur, who starred in "Maude" and "The Golden Girls" on television, died of cancer at the age of 86 on Saturday. May she rest in peace.