Friday, April 3, 2009

A different kind of G-20


Boy, that G-20 summit sure didn't last long, did it?

Well, if you weren't quite prepared to see the world-leader gathering in London end so abruptly, you've come to just the right place.

Today, I am presenting my first –and hopefully last– G-tube summit.

Yup, here are 20 Random Declarations about the G-tube: the 12-inch rubbery hose into which I pour three square meals of liquid Isosource each day.

Bon app├ętit!

  • Officially, the "G" in "G-tube" stands for "gastric" or "gastronomy" but you can make the G stand for whatever you want.

  • Having a G-tube meal by candlelight may make the feeding experience more romantic, but it also carries the risk of melting the tube and searing the lining of your stomach.

  • Having a G-tube is a great excuse to not do sit-ups.

  • Having a G-tube is a great excuse to not do exercise of any kind.

  • The "G" in "G-tube" could stand for "groovy" just as well as "grisly."

  • A chiseled abdomen with a G-tube is a sexier look than you might think.

  • There is no relationship between G-tubes and G-spots.

  • Gas allows you to do some pretty spiffy tricks with a G-tube.

  • All TSA agents are trained to see a passenger's G-tube as a threat to national security.

  • Looping a G-tube around a tree limb and swinging upside-down is a great way to relax.

  • A search of the term "G-tube" on YouTube produces alarming results.

  • The part of the G-tube that rests against the abdomen is known as a "Mickey," but so far Disney lawyers have not sought a claim that using that name is a violation of their copyright.

  • A G-tube can be an effective launching pad for fireworks.

  • Some exotic dancers incorporate their G-tube into their performances, and dress it up with glitter to match their G-string.

  • A G-tube that becomes uncapped in bed produces a spill equivalent in volume to the oil released by the Exxon Valdez.

  • Singing into a G-tube valve is common on karaoke nights in nursing homes.

  • There is nothing unpatriotic about placing your G-tube over your heart during performances of "The Star-Spangled Banner."

  • Square-dancers are known to tug on G-tubes to make their partner spin.

  • Spies who have G-tubes are known to grind up classified information and feed it into their tube.

  • Composing a list of 20 observations about a G-tube is not as easy as you might think.

3 comments:

  1. YOU ARE VERY,VERY SICK......AND FUNNY AS AN EASTER BUNNY RIDING A CHICKEN! CHEYRL

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  2. WOOPS, I SEEM TO HAVE MISSPELLED MY NAME

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  3. Hi Cheryl

    Thanks for reading and posting. The comments are the best part of this blog. Yours are the first ones I've had all week –and it's Friday!

    Thanks for supporting the Ride, too. If I recover in time to ride, I'll be rolling into Santa Maria two months from today. That's more than halfway home to L.A.

    Love
    Paul

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