Tuesday, May 5, 2009

You say hello, I say mmmm mmm

After decades of annoying me, telemarketers are getting their comeuppance.

I may have lost my voice, but I still have a robust mumble. Lately, I bet that the telemarketers who reach me are convinced that they have dialed the monkey compound at the L.A. Zoo by mistake.

Monday, 6:35 p.m. A telephone rings at the Serchia household.

Me: "Mmmmm?"

Telemarketer: "Good evening. Is Mr. Serchia available?"

Me: "Mmmmm mmm."

Telemarketer: "May I speak with him, please?"

Me: "Mmmmm mmm."

Telemarketer: "Could you please bring Mr. Serchia to the phone?"

Me: "Mmmmm mmm." I place the receiver down for about 30 seconds, then pick it up again.

Me: "Mmmmm?"

Telemarketer: "YOU again? I told you I want to speak with Mr. Serchia."


Telemarketer (struggling to suppress a sigh of exasperation): "Mr. Serchia, this is Sheila calling from the Los Angeles Improvement Center, and–"

Me: "Mmm-mmm-MMM-mmm-mmm-MMM?!"

Telemarketer: "Uh, the Los Angeles Improvement Center. Did you know that you can save money on your auto insurance just by–"

Me: "Mmm MMM? Mmmm mmm mmmm. MMM mmm mmm, mmm. ¿Mmmm mñm mmmm? "

Telemarketer (after a long pause): "Mr. Serchia, perhaps I called you at a bad time–"

Me: "MMM mmm!" (Click.)

I'm so glad that I never bothered to get my name and number on the Do Not Call Registry. I would never have had this golden opportunity to drive the Sheilas of the world nuts.

Got telemarketers? Send 'em my way!

1 comment:

  1. I'm going to try the MmmmmMMMmmmmmmmmmmm thing on the next telemarketer, Paul. Good thing you thought of that. Maybe they'll press one for English, hoping to get through to you. Although, hmm, that won't always work, I've known you too long hoping to get through to you....stay focused, Don't stockpile those canned calories, drink them dearie