Monday, May 18, 2009

Further down the ballot

Been following the news lately? Then you know about the six state measures that voters will decide in Tuesday's special election: Propositions 1A through 1F.

You may not know that the state ran out of money and couldn't afford to print enough pages in the Voter Information Guide to describe 18 additional measures on tomorrow's ballot.

You don't want to vote without being prepared, so make a copy of today's post and take it to your polling place.

  • Proposition 1G: Grants the sitting governor a 28% stimulus to his approval rating.

  • Proposition 1H: Increases the state's "rainy day" fund by 5% on days when actual rain falls in California.

  • Proposition 1I: Redefines the constitutional role of state legislators to standing at busy intersections in their districts, spinning bright placards and acting the fool.

  • Proposition 1J: Allows the State Treasurer to sell advertising space on the California flag.

  • Proposition 1K: Allows the State Treasurer to wrap an advertising billboard around El Capitan in Yosemite.

  • Proposition 1L: Allows state prison authorities to house new inmates in abandoned GM and Chrysler dealerships.

  • Proposition 1M: Grants children the option of swapping their right to a K-12 education for a one-way Greyhound ticket to the state border.

  • Proposition 1N: Allows the State Treasurer to invest up to 25% of incoming revenue in lottery scratchers in other states.

  • Proposition 1O: Downsizes the number of seats on the state Supreme Court from seven to three, and replaces the remaining justices with Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul.

  • Proposition 1P: Provides for the Miss California title to be awarded to the highest bidder.

  • Proposition 1Q: Applies a tax on stupidity. Tax doubles during any campaign season.

  • Proposition 1R: Challenges voters to name the Lieutenant Governor; returns his or her salary to the State Treasury if the measure fails.

  • Proposition 1S: Calls for the University of California to shut down its brick-and-mortar campuses and educate students on Twitter instead.

  • Proposition 1T: Allows the State Treasurer to sell advertising space on the back of the California bear.

  • Proposition 1U: This proposition intentionally left blank.

  • Proposition 1V: Creates a new "muggy day" fund.

  • Proposition 1W: Allows the State Treasurer to sell the state name to the highest bidder.

  • Proposition XYZ: Grants the governor the right to bring any losing proposition back to the voters for a two-out-of-three match.

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